October 17th, 2002

advice

(no subject)

I am reading The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm and beginning to feel like I need to change my strategy. For a year now I have been saying that the goal is to become "the person that the person I want to fall in love with wants to fall in love with". Maybe the goal is not to get loved but to love. But how? I guess that's where the book comes in handy.

Here are some quotes:

"Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of being loved rather than that of loving, of one's capacity to love. Hence the problem to them is how to be loved, how to be lovable."


"A second premise behind the attitude that there is nothing to be learned about love is the assumption that the problem of love is the problem of an object, not the problem of a faculty. People think that to love is simple, but that to find the right object to love--or to be loved by--is difficult."


Some parts of this book are hard to read because they are so terribly heteronormative and homophobic; but, understanding that the book was written in 1954, and also that I am merely trying to extract those parts that may be useful to me, I read on. There is something to be gained.